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The Pickup

14 Jun

Kai stretched in the car.  Most likely he was working late.  To be fair, she hadn’t even told him that she was picking him up, so she sent him a text.  She also hoped that he had not hooked up with a female co-worker.  That was exactly how Debbie wormed her way into his heart.

To be fair to Debbie, Phil was unstoppable with the ladies.  He was a lovable mix of domestic skills with enough machismo to choke a football team.  He was the tiniest centre to ever grace a basketball court.  She smiled and stretched again.

She had already made up her mind that she was not going to tell him about her ex harassing her.  Even though she initiated the breakup, she still felt like a failure.  And with him harassing her, she felt like if she couldn’t even manage a breakup properly.

Phil hated him.  He often said if any of his women were half of Kai, he would have been a married man.  Kai laughed.  She often wondered what she had done wrong.  After all, it was in her nature to analyse situations to figure out right from wrong.  It was the only way to learn from experience.

In the aftermath of the breakup, she and Phil had become inseparable.  Even Debbie was sympathetic.  As a matter of fact. Debbie wanted to kill him.  Debbie and Phil on the other hand…

Then came a knock on the front passenger side.

“Kai, ‘sup?”

“Nun.  Couldn’t sleep, so I went driving.  When I realised I was close by, I decided to pick you up.”

“Do you want me to drive?”  He was always offering to help her out.

“Nah, I can take you home.”

“Stay the night, okay? Mom cleaned the guest room today.  So you can spend the night.”

“No clothes for work tomorrow.”

“Oh please, between Mom and Debbie, I can probably improve your wardrobe.”

“I don’t dress that bad!”

“Not for a boy.”

And on and on they went.  As a matter of fact, she never got to tell him that her ex was harassing her again.  Around Phil, problems like that didn’t matter.

Copyright © 2012



8 Jun

It was a traumatic break-up.  Her face was still sore from all the crying.

She wanted to move on, but she couldn’t conquer her fear of intimacy.  Her friends gave her a lovely leather-bound envelope and fled.  It was a sex coupon.  She hated them with a passion and avoided their calls for two weeks before she broke down and almost called her ex.  It was while reaching for the phone she saw the envelope which had not been lost in the chaos.  One phone call later and now she was waiting on a gorgeous bed with royal blue satin sheets.

She sat straight at the edge of the bed waiting for the knock…at least she hoped they would knock!  She didn’t want the absolute stranger that she was about to copulate with walking in on her unannounced.  She was all nerves with no defenses.  She regretted on ordering a drink.  Or a bottle.  Her hand was on the phone when the knock came.

Should she tell him to come in? Or should she open the door?

“Come in.” because after all, she was comfortable on the bed.  Or as comfortable as one could be when waiting to purchase coitus.

He walked in and turned so that she could appraise him.  Not being confident enough to bluff it like a veteran, she cried on the phone to the reservation agent and admitted her inexperience, and her broken heart.  Maggie promised to take care of her.  She nodded her consent and he closed the door and walked over to the bed.  He knelt on the carpet and kissed her hand.  It sent chills up her spine and she promptly did what she thought would have been a dignified thing to do: she burst into tears.

His face registered surprise, but he sat on the bed next to her and held her while stroking her hair.  She calmed down.  But then she fell asleep.  He covered her up and put her coupon back in her bag with a note:

When you wake up call me.

The Thriller Philler .

Phil remembered Kai’s heartbreak and how she would just cry.  It took a while for her to regain her footing, but he would never think of buying her a sex coupon.  She must feel so truly alone.  He wanted her though.  He just wanted her to enjoy it.  He had a reputation to think of, after all.

Copyright © 2012

Roman’s Kiss

16 May

“You have such beautiful lips, Roman!”

Roman smiled.  He liked coming to this place, Three Roses.  The owner named it for her three daughters who probably didn’t know that their beloved home was now a shitty 3-star whore house.  But debts were debts and he liked his kneecaps.  His smile grew slowly across his face.  The same smile that used to drive Nasia wild was now bringing home the cash.

“Roman!  Kiss me!”

Lucia was insatiable.  Kissing was not on his menu by choice.  It was too intimate, too seductive.  A lesser man could get lost if he wasn’t careful.  He wasn’t careful with Nasia.  He fell too in love with her.  Besides, women were not to be kept, they were to be admired and petted before moving on.  Life went on smoothly.  But Lucia was insatiable.  Just as insatiable as he was for her rather generous tips.  He didn’t want his electricity cut off again.

He stroked a lock of her hair back.  Just the graze of his finger against her face seemed to electrify her.  He remembered seeing Dominic touch Nasia like that once and how she seemed more of a pussy cat than a caged tiger.  He traced the ridge of her nose to the bow of her lips.

“Kiss me, Roman!” her voice now urgent and husky.

“Shhhhh…just relax…” if he could string her out, then he could ensure his biggest tip yet.

He then caressed her sharp cheekbones.  His finger trailed the edge of her ear.  He had to use his other arm to pin her down.  Lucia’s eyes were so rolled back into her head.  Then he gently pressed his lips against her eyelid.  A tear seeped out.  Lucia sighed as if satiated.  Her breathing was not yet steady, so he laid his head against her chest.  He found himself having to still his breath as if he too were captivated by the moment.

It would be later when he would curse himself for that tiny kiss.

Copyright © 2012

Phil’s Day Off

5 May

She tried his phone again, and again it was off.  Samantha inhaled, exhaled and then moved on to the next name on the list.  Phil was rather impressive.  New but impressive.  He racked up more positive guest comments in one month than some of her other service providers did in the three years that The HoneyPot was open.  She peeked at his file and saw “spear fishing, karaoke, and football” under Hobbies and Interests.  She smiled.

A few miles north bathed by the Caribbean Sea, Phil wasn’t smiling.  Thoughts of Debbie crossed his mind as the memories flowed through his body.  He adjusted his facemask and dived.  The water soothed his broken ego.  The water did nothing to dilute his memories of her smell, or her touch, or the sound of her laugh…ooh! A fish!  His powerful strokes sent him in pursuit of supper.

Gallia looked out of the window of the quaint little house.  She saw her son dive into the water with spear in hand.  He started to shun the gun after Debbie.  She also liked Debbie, but Phil was too headstrong to let her leave.  Whatever happened had happened.  Now there was no hope of cute little mixed babies with curls and mischievous grins.  There was just spear fishing and barbeque.

Phil missed his shot and came up for air.  The sun burned his eyes and he sneezed.  Although if he wanted to go deeper he could just gear up.  His mother always packed his old gear just in case.  Mom could bitch and moan all she wanted; she was always by his side.  Even though it was three months since losing Debbie, she was still coming down the islands with him.  This time though, he brought a good friend of his, Kai.

Kai was inside reading a book.  They rented this house and she found such a treasure trove of old school books in the den.  After breakfast, she sat down to read.  Phil was a nice guy.  A man’s man.  Fishing, football, parties, beach, and barbeque.  His new job at The HoneyPot had her little worried.  She wondered if he was trying to forget Debbie the old fashioned way.  After all, the post-Debbie depression cost him his job.  And the HoneyPot paid well.  Maybe she should apply.  She pulled off her t-shirt and went outside to join Phil in the water.

Gallia felt her heart lift.  Kai was no Debbie.  But Kai was brave, and crazy and not bad looking.  Not too good looking either.  But she would do.  She looked on as Kai picked up a spear and waded into the water to follow Phil.

Damn fish was too quick.  Damn Debbie was being too distracting.  He wanted to just go inside and do some peppered shrimp with lemon juice.  Kai threatened to permanently contract him to her if he continued to make that.  He dived again.

Kai saw his dive and decided to swim off in a different direction.  She saw a flash of silver, but her eyesight wasn’t as good as Phil’s so she had to swim a little slower to counteract the turbulence in the water.  She threw her spear and felt it snag.  It was a short fight in her favour.  She landed herself a nice fish.  She swam out to the shallower water and shouted for Phil.

He heard Kai shout his name, but he was in pursuit of a fish he had dubbed ‘Sir Ernie’.  Sir Ernie was playing him like an old Tetris game.  He was trying to wear him out so that he would give up and go back to shore.  Sir Ernie also did not want to swim out into deeper waters where his other enemies resided.  He was being careful.  So was Phil.  He was patient as a lover, and spear fishing was like making love.  Waiting patiently and striking out firmly when the time was right.  And Phil was nothing if not a great lover.  He smirked and went after Sir Ernie.

Kai already had her fish scaled, gutted and beheaded.  She rinsed with salt water and was about to filet it when Gallia told her to go back into the water and back Phil up.  She didn’t want to; after all, she had already dried her hair.  However, one did not say ‘no’ to Phil’s mom.  After all, it wasn’t as though she was asked if she wanted to go, right?

Back in the water Kai swam out with a net.  Phil usually wasn’t this determined unless it was a big fish.  She scored enough for one meal, but it looked as though he was going to be out for a while longer.  Suddenly he popped up further than she expected with his Victory Song.  It was really a loud yell: all show-off Philly style fill-the-sky type yell.

She was right to have brought the net.  It was rather big.  He bagged the fish in the net and handed her the spear.

“I called him Sir Ernie.  See Kai, you are not the only fisher around!” he pulled hair and swam off with Sir Ernie.

Later that night after pictures were taken, Phil decided to unveil his fish in white wine broth.  All three of them gorged on it, along with the garlic bread that Gallia made earlier.  Phil brushed a stray grain of hair off of Kai’s face before turning his attentions back to the meal.  Kai didn’t notice, but Gallia did.  And she smiled a mother’s smile.

Copyright © 2012

Nasia gets cold feet

30 Apr

Dominic tasted the sancoche for salt as Nasia checked her email. As it was Friday, it was Dominic’s turn in the kitchen – an addendum to the contract that Nasia insisted on when his sancoche took the prize at the politically correctly named “People Who Can Cook” competition held by their current Internet Service Provider. And he looked yummy in that apron protecting his beloved dress khakis as he kneaded the dough for the dumplings. Such behaviour had to be rewarded, she thought to herself and left the table to ‘freshen up’ for the encounter.

Dominic looked at Nasia as she strode out of the kitchen and smiled low to himself. He knew that she was trying to be subtle about tonight, and suppressed any teasing that would hinder that. She was stunning in his striped boxers and her little vest. He looked at her enter the bedroom in her bare feet. Damn, that’s sexy. He slowly exhaled and chopped up more pimentos for the pot. As he lowered the heat, he saw Nasia back at the table with a hint of eyeliner or whatever expensive crap women wear to ‘be more attractive’.

She noticed him looking at her and smiled up and him, and then look at the laptop. Her smile suddenly faded.

“Naz? Whats wrong love?”

“You remember when you had your root canal? And you were waiting for the insurance money to pay off the loan installment on your car?”


“Well apparently, our Romantic Partnership Agreement has expired rendering you ineligible to receive any benefits from my insurance!”

Dominic stopped cold. He loved that damn car. He didn’t want to renew a contract just to pay off the damn car insurance, but he didn’t want to move out either. He actually liked Nasia. She would curl up with him on the couch and read a book, rather than bug him about his game, and she did organise the Bahamas vacation. He really did not want to renegotiate the contract. As a matter of fact, he liked things just the way they were. He even thought of offering her Permanent Romantic Partnership, what they used to call Marriage. But Naz was too afraid of commitment after being burnt by an ex. Even though her physical scars healed well, it was a bit of a struggle getting her to agree to a five-year contract, wanting it to be a Medium Term Plan instead of a short-term contract. He wished Naz would just say something.

Nic looked as if he had shrunk in the past 30 seconds. She wanted him to say something, anything. But he kept stirring the pot as though the answers would appear. At first, she wanted their relationship to just last for one weekend. The handsome, tattooed man had captured her fancy, and for one glorious weekend she had captured his. She had just come out of rehab, the therapist had advised her to take a vacation and just enjoy herself. After the weekend was over, she had a new appreciation for the scar on her back, and he had asked her to move in with him. When she declined, he said it was no bother and that he could just move in with her.

She wanted him to be just like Roman, so that she could kick him out. When he got a better job, he wanted to sign a contract so that he could help her get her new car. She did not want to be obligated to him. It was such a useless struggle since she had already fallen gaga for him. So many months wasted. Then when he wrote up the contract, she wanted to change it to a six-month contract. They argued so much that he moved back home to his mother. As the second week passed, she realised how lonesome her bed was and quickly folded. His mother was ecstatic, offering her own diamond-and-ruby engagement ring if they ever decided to go permanent. Part of her wanted it, but she wanted to be able to fool herself if things went bad, so she changed the topic.

Dominic turned the stove off, and the ‘click’ startled her. He ladled out the sancoche and served it to her. They ate in silence. Naz could barely look at him now. His heart sunk like a cornmeal dumpling. Nasia exhaled deeply.

“I know it is sudden, but do you want to renew the contract? Or just extend the validation date for a short while? It would not be fair that my car is paid up, and yours isn’t. After all, it was only because of the contract that I was able to obtain credit for my car. I was just able to pay for mine because of the promotion. We should renew it for the next six months and take that time to make a decision.”

“Sounds good.” Dominic was a little upset. He wanted her to realise that they missed the date to renew because they were busy enjoying their time together. They had already fallen into a routine, and were even happier together than apart. Those two weeks at his mother’s house was worse than the time he was imprisoned for slapping Bernice during a fight.

They continued to eat in silence. Nasia wanted him to say that he wanted a longer contract. She was so afraid of losing him, so afraid of finding that there were more Romans than Dominics in this world. She wanted him to want her enough to say it. She knew she was in violation of rule #12 about being honest, but she did not know how to diplomatically tell him how badly she had fallen for him.

Was five years enough to heal the emotional scars from being abused? Dominic did not want to lose her. He wanted a longer contract – hell! He wanted a permanent contract! He was afraid that the world would have more Bernices than Nasias. He did not even want another Nasia. He wanted this one. To hell with rule #12! He had to be sure she was healed enough to be in permanent partnership.

“I’ll call the insurance agent in the morning. We will be fine, Nic. For some strange reason, I think we will be fine.”



And as a P.S here are the shortlinks to the sites that already have a contract. One I stole for the purposes of this story and the other one that made me laugh too hard:

Copyright © 2012

Gracie Max gets refreshed

29 Apr

“Mr. and Mrs. Fernando J. Max, welcome back to the HoneyPot!” – she was cute, clearly new.  Yet the way she would not look directly into my eyes disturbed me, as it always does.  After all, we spend good money here, and would like to be treated with respect.

“I would show you to your room.  Would you like a menu now, or have you already – oh! Oh! I am sorry, I see that you pre-ordered room service.   Unfortunately, you did not indicate time of arrival, so you may have a bit of a wait of approximately…”

“Never mind that, we can wait.”  Fern is always impatient with the new ones.  Which is strange because he is always gentle.

“Sweetie, what is wrong with that little idiot?  Isn’t eye contact a hallmark of customer service? Why must this planet descend into such mediocrity?  Really darling, it is indeed wearying.”

“I’m sorry hon.  but by the time we get upstairs, it would not really matter to us anymore.  We came to enjoy ourselves, and we will.”

“Of course darling, why should I spoil your night?  Let the good times start!” – and with that Fernando was good again.

(A couple hours later)

“Darling, I am not feeling this right now.”

“Do you want me to call and get this refreshed for you?”

“No babe, that’s just too much hassle for just my bad mood.  It isn’t their fault.”

“Well, I’m done and I still have some time on the clock.”

“Thanks but I don’t swing that way, and you know that.”

“I was just teasing you, my love.”

So while Fern and I lay in bed, we began to chat about some business that we had gotten from a similar company and discussing what we were going to do.

Fern tucked a lock of my hair back.  our position was a bit awkward and neither of us moved just basking in the moment.  Just then, there was a call from the room service and Fern answered.

“No, my wife wasn’t really in the mood for tonight’s fare.  She insists it’s her mood and doesn’t want to refresh…oh, complimentary…hahaha! Yes indeed!  That sounds marvellous actually.  Shall I speak with her on it and call you back?… Oh, certainly!  Thank you!”

“Darling, Gracie, they are sending up The Thriller Philler – no pun intended.”

“For why? I am fine!”

“You are fine for now.  However, with our schedule, you may not be back for quite some time.  Better lay back and let Phil take care of you now.”

“And what happens to you Fern?  You are done right now.”

“Darling! I haven’t been a spectator since we were poor!  This would be like the good old days!  Back when it was called ‘prostitution’, but after it was legalised!”

“Ok, only because I will be in Japan for your birthday and you sound rather excited about this.”  I wasn’t very happy, but for my Fern – anything.

“Oh goody darling!”

And then Phil knocked and came inside.

– ND

Copyright © 2012

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